A woman and a man fall in love with each other they go out on dates , everything goes amazingly well.

They live their best moments together and they finally decide to tie the knot , hoping to live the most blissful life together forever.

Then comes the meeting of the families and trying to connect them.

Now when the newly hitched couple quarrels, the boys’s parents take his side and the girl’s parents take her side. That creates a little rift between the couple.

No doubt the parents understand their son/daughter with whom they are very familiar. But they can do better when they practice loving the would be son-in-law or daughter-in-law and try to understand better the would child-in-law.

This simple gesture from parents can help the relationship of the children bloom.

After having established harmony and love between the families of the girl and the boy, only if there is some love left between the couple, they ‘get married.’

When two people become married, they form a world of their own.

They have their own experiences, have kids, raise them and when the time comes the kids get married and move out of the parents life.

What remains now in the family are the two people who got married, the two people who promised to spend their rest of the life together. They no longer have a say over their kid, because the kid now has his/her own family.

And that is how things generally work in other societies.

In India, that becomes a problem.

Sometimes ndian parents raise their kids with the expectation that they would take care of them, when they themselves become old, and that they would still be able to control his/her decision like they did when the kid was small.

There is nothing wrong with children taking care of their parents, infact each and every kid should or rather be blessed with the opportunity to do that.

However parents must be mature enough to respect the fact that whatever the kid does now is his/her choice and that he/she owes them nothing. Nobody owes anything to anybody in this world. Take pride in the fact that you have raised them to be independent.

It is surprising how love is not enough for a marriage. When a couple is in love, and want to spend their lives together, they still have to think of making the others in their life happy and if they don’t ; the same people will only try to ruin your relationship for their own ego by trying to create doubts for your partner or gaslight you into seeing them in a negative light .

Why is it so difficult to accept love as it is?

Sometimes you get lucky and you get married to the love of your life , you have these fairy tale expectations of living a dream lovely life with your partner and then comes the reality .

So many individuals specially females come up for a marriage consultation as they are depressed in their marriages because they have been repeatedly hurt, insulted, ignored and made to feel secondary by their spouse.

Most of the times the Indian parents wish completely contradictory things for their son and daughter after they get married.

They will teach their daughters to make their husbands everything and be responsible for him after they get married.

They want their daughters to have a man who puts them first , respects her , prioritise her and love her above all

But to their son they instil things like

“don’t forget your family after you get married”

“You should be more man-like. YOU cant run around behind your wife “

I guess the biggest fear of every Indian parent Is “will his wife take priority over us?” And this is where the parents need a lot of assurance from the son and daughter-in-law.

Earlier when their son used to spend time with his friends, his own self and outside, there was no need for him to be around the parent.

When wife comes in and she takes time and attention from him, parents complain and make their son very uncomfortable on spending time with his better half.

How does spending time with his wife cause problems to parents when his spending time with his friends, not coming home many times at night didn’t? 

The parents and the existing members of the family need to understand that they should give the new couple the time and space to form and deepen their bonds and they shouldn’t get insecure of their place and position in their sons life.

They need to understand that They have been there and they are important and will remain important and respectful , but the relationship of newly married couple is fragile like a new born baby and needs utmost attention, care and time to bloom like the same.

I want to ask the parents…Did any one complain or get jealous or insecure of your baby when you gave all your time and attention to the new baby in your life.

You became a new “mother” a new “father”, it was a new role and people supported you .

Then just when your son has a new role in somebody’s life as a “ husband “ why not just give him the space required to strengthen his relationship with his wife?

Most of the times the females of the house, mostly the mother and the daughter in law end up in a competition of who gets the priority of the son.

“ Jealousy “ is a natural human instinct, more common in females.

Sandwiched between the two Most men Side with mothers unknowingly trying to be a good son or may be out of the guilt of the parents being old but definitely scarring or sometimes abusing their wife! 

Most men end up Denying love to their wives in name of “she just came yesterday and my family has been there since I was born”

“I have to be a son first”

This is so common around us… the idea that the wife should always be placed less, given a feeling that she is less than others because it has been instilled in men to never forget your parents since childhood as a man.

Always an Indian kid is fed a belief that his parents are Gods.

These words, break down a woman emotionally , she feels attacked and like an outsider.

how do you then expect her to feel at home?

When you Try and comfort others here at the cost of her well-being ?

Men don’t even realize what they think are normal expectations from their wife are nothing but abusive patterns that break her down.

You Changed her life completely and don’t even want to accept this change for yourself?

Being unconditionally loving or a good husband doesn’t impose restrictions on being a good son ever.

But being an abusive husband in order to be a good son is the most disgusting thing you can do as a man .

Men don’t even realize what they think are normal expectations from their wife are nothing but abusive patterns that break her down.

When a women speaks her mind out the the in laws or even the man accuses her of being disrespectful that she doesn’t respect elders and her parents didn’t teach her anything.

How easy it is for men and their families to humiliate the women , her upbringing and her roots when she only expresses her opinion about something , thinking she is part of the family ..

What if you are given the same treatment for speaking your heart out dear men? Will you like it if the girls parents bring your upbringing or parents down ?

Then how can you let that happen to your wife?

Asking your partner to be ok with harassment or With sarcasm from your family in the name of being a good daughter in law member is incorrect.

Her respect and security should be your priority.

Men need to understand that You don’t show respect to your parents by disregarding your wife’s needs or disrespecting her.

Why should your relationship with your blood relation be so insecure that you need to show your wife less relevant in order to make your others comfortable .

If your wife treats you and loves you on basis of how well you please her family and compares you with her father and puts you down. How would that feel?

Men are bringing in feelings of humiliation, uncertainty, hopelessness, “why me” in their wives , while they are supposed to give her happiness

Men, Instead of giving their wife the security that they will love her no matter what, they put conditions of the family on her to it!

“You need to keep my family happy and that will make me Happy.

You need to gel with my mom. She is my everything . “

A good relationship with family is not just in your wife’s hand. Jelling with someone is not in her hand alone.

Every relationship requires Effort from both sides. A girl can’t try forever to please a mans family if they don’t respond to her positively it’s not her fault .

And it’s utterly disgusting of the men to base their relationship on the fact how well she pleases your family. Then you clearly don’t love your wife , you love your family in some obsessive way and only need a slave for them.

Men create anxiety for their wives by such conditions on her .

Men should give the security that no matter what they will love her.

Men should be the bridge between their wife and their family and they would stand by their wife until she becomes family… this would give her assurance..

Instead of giving the security that you will love her the most, you give your wife anxiety of being secondary 

Some men become defensive when they listen something that their family might have done or said , which bothers their wife . They go to the point of verbally abusing their wives.

Your wife is just expressing to you. Because you are the reason she’s there and a part of your family . She’s not bringing them down or disrespecting them , she’s hurt or feeling uncomfortable with something and she wants you to understand and give her the assurance that you understand her pain and are always going to be there for her. she deserves.

Being an outsider in the life of a man who is supposed to be a woman’s everything is heartbreaking and no woman deserves that.

The woman leaves her whole world and makes a new life with you, and men still see her as less part of their life.
The woman from whom men expect to love everyone in their family, care for them but they themselves are reluctant to give her love, make her feel special as they don’t want to upset others, how fair is that?

To the woman who men want to love their family as their own, they attack her, get angry, misunderstand her if someone in their family says a thing about her… as though they don’t believe her, as though she cannot be more right than others….

Men need to understand that their family Is there and will always be there and they should take them into confidence that the fact they would love their wife wouldn’t mean that now love them less.

instead of giving their wife the security that her values are respected, men give them her the anxiety that she is all alone 

To the MEN

Dare you make your wife look like the bad one.
Dare if you portray as a home breaker, disrespectful!
Dare if you say she doesn’t have the right values.
Dare if you say she cannot adjust or is moody or is always crying to seek attention!

All your wife needs is For you to give her Time , attention and priority and understand her emotions.

And men tag them as a home breaker for that? How unreal can they get?

Men make a villain of a woman because she spoke… they make a villain of her because she wanted to be equal… Loved, family like?

Really?

Your wife deserves security, compassion, kindness, the feeling of oneness, and protection. It’s your responsibility… abuse is usually what she Maybe getting and this would have been breaking her…

Both men and women need to understand , Yes you have your relationships, your existing family but if they are always going to be “mine” and the spouse is always going to be “they”or an outsider, you never really understand what marriage is all about!

Marriage makes you we first!

You become the core family!

No one should have a space between you two

If your spouse can’t be your priority

If their respect is not yours and vice versa

If you can’t treat each other as first family. You are better off not Marrying  just as yet.